i am what i am.

well, slap my bootie and call me a skank.

i'm so beat!

i had my 10k race yesterday morning. i was up at 6 a.m. (blasphemy! it was sunday, generally my laziest day of the week, too!). last year, i ran this race with three other friends; this year, i did it alone.

my first solo race . . . .

but i wanted to do it. my friends are either too far out of town to run this race with me -- or if they're in town, they're not in good shape anymore. :-T i didn't bother asking the latter group. they are the ones who also had talked big about wanting to do the bay to breakers 12k with me, then ended up bailing at the last minute with really lame excuses. i hate excuse-making -- and i knew i'd hear even more lame excuses -- so i decided to forgo them altogether and do it on my own.

and it was really a nice time. the race is not as grand as bay to breakers -- only a few hundred people showed up to do it. but it was still a great time. the race started at 8:30 am and wound through a really nice park along the river. the morning weather was really pleasant, too. and i think i improved my time from last year, when i did the same race, by about ten minutes.

:-D

as for running, it's definitely getting much better. if i keep it up, then i'll probably reach physical peaks i've never reached before. and for me, this is huge. i, abbagirl, have never been a runner. i've been the type of person who has always shied away from long-distance running. oh, i played sports when i was younger, up through law school. tennis, soccer, a bit of basketball. but those sports required a different kind of focus. sure, you run a lot and at different tempos -- but there was a purpose to it all. you didn't run just for the sake of running, with only your own mind to keep you company. you ran to keep pace with an opponent -- to lunge at balls, to block a defender, to do a sliding tackle.

but with running, you only have your own self to keep you company. it's more of a solo journey, an autonomous challenge. to run, i often have to talk myself into it, and then continue to talk myself into going for as long as i physically can. so this is unchartered territory for me -- i'm used to wimping out on things when the going gets too tough.

but this time? nope -- i think i'll keep going. :)

it still has me fatigued this morning, though. and my legs have a few aches -- but nothing major. all in all, it was a really good run yesterday.

work was heinously busy last week. like, heinous. i ended up working through breaks, couldn't find five minutes to pee to save my life, and also missed lunch a couple of days there. but it was all in an effort to keep things flowing and to stick as closely to my schedule as possible.

friday was the worst. it was a full day of interviews for that one position in that other unit that i've been griping about. 10 interviews total for the day, and it was my role to meet people at the security desk to bring them upstairs, get them started on their timed writing exam, then bring them over to the interviewees for their interview.

it is not very hard work -- but definitely time-consuming and a bit draining. physical, too.

at the end of it all, though, the interviewers were quite enthused about the interview pool, and they already knew who they wanted to hire -- this younger, tall blond guy. he had had a really impressive presence, and he looked a bit more put-together and distinguished than everyone else. and yes, he was a bit good-looking as well, so i'm not realy surprised that he won over the two interviewers, who are older, matronly women.

he was the last interviewee for the day. and after i had walked him out and returned to the interviewing room, i asked the two interviewers what they had thought about the day. they both agreed that they liked richard, the last interviewee, the best.

"oh, i don't blame you," i told them. "and i would happen to agree. even just from meeting him, and not knowing anything else, i was visually impressed with him."

one of the interviewers started cackling, and as she did so, i realized, at the same time, the implication that they were reading from my statement.

"i didn't mean --! no, i meant --!" i stuttered. but that made it worst and the two ladies started laughing with glee.

i had only meant that the guy had been dressed to the tens -- in an impeccable navy blue suit and shiny black shoes! i didn't mean he was hot. but that's how they took it. i could've easily shut them up by saying that there was no way in hell i meant that he was hot because, even though he's blond and blonds are definitely my type, he's still a dude, and i'm not into dudes.

but i didn't go there. and now i know that this is a joke that will not die. abbagirl will forever-more be teased for seemingly being way into an interviewee.

:-T

no, as you can guess, i'm not out at work. and it's not because i'm ashamed of it. i just think it's no one's business but mine. it's kinda the same issue as my ethnicity. i get annoyed as fuck when people ask me, "what are you?" and you know they're not asking you about your zodiac sign. no, they're asking you about your ethnicity -- where "you come from." and even that's a misphrasing; they don't want to hear that you come from california or from sac-town, as i do. "no, where's your family from?"

and i just hate that question. it makes me feel like i have to justify who i am and summarize myself with a single word -- all in an effort to placate the person who asked me that, as if s/he can know who i am just by saying which region of the world my family comes from.

i refuse to be categorized like that. i refuse to have one aspect of myself dictate my worth in other people's eyes. azngrrl? queerness? each of these things are only a single aspect of who i am -- and they have nothing to do with the persona i exhibit publicly and professionally. the way i see it, most of the people i interact with, who are not otherwise close friends or family, only need to know what i show them. here at work, i (hope i) show people that i'm a good worker who takes instruction well and who will not be difficult to work with. i also bring a particular skill-set to the table, and it is a skill-set that my bosses are completely familiar with, since i expounded on my abilities as thoroughly as i could when i interviewed with them.

but all other extraneous information, "what i am," whether it is gay or straight, white or yellow, is not necessary for anyone to know or to be concerned about. it has no affect or bearing on my professional strengths and abilities -- and until or unless it does, i intend to just keep on truckin' the way i've been. i'm not like perez hilton, who seems to think that everyone who's gay should shout it out loud.

i don't shout. i'm just mostly a quiet talker. i am what i am. and you'll know what you need to know.

period.