token azngrrl speaketh

my laptop has gone into the shop for repairs.

i feel so . . . naked without it.

:-T

last week, i was invited out to lunch with a few co-workers: a couple of p.r. people and the secretary of the big cheese. while we were eating, our small talk turned to the topic of our office's location. my co-workers expressed some regret that we were located in a rather ghetto part of town. but in a cheery manner, i said, "i like it! there's a lot of great food everywhere -- american, mexican, vietna-- uh, -mese . . . ."

my voice trailed off like that when i uttered the word "vietnamese." because i saw the growing look of interest in their eyes, the kind of interest that made me know what was going to happen:

i was to become the Grand Emissary of All Things Viet. the Ultimate Representation of Viet Folk. the Token Minority in Their Midst.

damn it. me and my big mouth.

they didn't even ask me if i was viet. i had just made it clear just from that one sentence. i suppose if i had uttered "korean" instead, i would have been presumed to be korean instead, too. 'cause all azns do look alike and all.

:-T

interestingly enough, i wasn't the only ethnic minority in the group; one of the p.r. people is hispanic american.

it's strange how some minority groups are considered more "acceptable" or "normal" than others.

anyhow, i was then asked to become Group Leader on another lunch excursion this week and to pick out a viet restaurant that they all could try. this will be their First Encounter with Viet Food. apparently, despite having worked here for a while and this part of town being ghetto central and the Viet Capitol of norcal, they have yet to try out any of the viet restaurants here at all. it's a shame. i swear, you can't throw a stone in any direction without hitting a viet restaurant.

and i can picture it now: i'll be asked "what's this?" about two thousand times and be required to break down all the ingredients for every dish on the menu so that they will be sure they're not eating anything "weird." and by the time we get done ordering, i will feel like i've run an entire marathon and be really starved to death for food. but then while eating, i have to watch them pick and sort at their food, even though there really isn't anything "foreign," "exotic," or otherwise inedible on their dish. and then i'll have to re-explain all the ingredients yet again.

ugh! obviously, i've been the Emissary for All Things Viet more than once. and i'm sorry, but i just don't have the personality for it. in my experience, it can just be the most painstaking role ever. i end up feeling very much like a parent who's on her very last nerve with a child in its terrible-twos stage. like, you just want to have fun and not take everything so seriously -- but you also don't want to keep having to hand-hold and justify everything all the time, either.

:-P

but that's not what irked me. i'm cool with eating out at any one of my fav restaurants nearby the office. what irked me was being treated like the Token Representative Azn who could speak for all other asian-americans.

good hell.

among the other things i was asked about Viethood-ness, i was asked whether it was possible for me to Know Who Other Asians Are just by virtue of names alone. the person who asked me that question then leaned forward over the table, propped her chin up on one hand, and looked at me with avid interest.

it just made me want to go, "uh, do you know a macgregor from an anderssen? a weiss from an ivanovsky? of course, you can tell which region of the world a person's family comes from!" seriously, it's no different from white people being able to distinguish irish names from russian ones.

i dunno. maybe most asian surnames do sound the same. but there are at least a couple of differences between a lee and a sung, a takeda and a nguyen.

:-T

i just don't like stupid questions. i don't like being treated like a foreigner, as if the very things i say, eat, believe are any different or exotic than anyone else.

seriously. uncomfortable. and kinda annoying in a wince-worthy kind of way.

:-T

don't get me wrong -- i really am all for the idea of getting to know other cultures and taking a risk and trying new cuisines. but i just think there are more sophisticated ways of getting that kind of education. like, you don't have to treat other people with kid gloves or make them feel self-conscious about their different-ness. and i suppose it could be worse . . . . like, instead of this concentrated but awkwardness-inducing attempt to understand, as americans, we could still be living in an age where brutality and intense racism went hand-in-hand in daily life. i suppose that, if i consider the historical context, i should be "grateful" that only social weirdness results.

:-P

in my perfect world, i can be as different as i want to be but still be treated and accepted as if i were no different -- no better, no worse -- than anyone else. like, i'm proud of how different i am from the status quo on more than one level -- but i'm also proud of the commonality i have with everyone else in this society. the only criteria for determining whether i was worth getting to know would merely whether i'm a stupid ass or not -- and of course, i would probably lose friends based on that alone. . . .

but i'd rather be friendless than constantly be regarded as the Token Azn.

:-T

speaking of Token Azns -- or rather, anything but Token Azns -- i just read a new post on racialicious about a new reality television series that will actually have azn-american lesbians featured in it.

azn-american lesbians?! is there any such thing?!

wow . . . .

:)