fell down again

the past ten days or so have been real shitty. pretty dark times.

things blew up at work. in a heinous way. and it's taken me almost two weeks to recover from it all.

but it'll be okay. things will eventually work out all right.

on 6/1, i start a new job, in a new office, but in the same department. that's how bad things got -- so bad that i was given a chance to leave and go for an entirely new environment. and i took it. i grabbed that chance, found a place i was interested in, and luckily, it worked out that the place was interested in having me come on board, too. i'm definitely interested in how things will pan out at the new job. the office's role is more in line with my strengths, i think. but there will indeed be some hurdles to overcome. still, here's hoping that things change for the better....

i seriously could use a change in pace and scenery. my mood had been so steadily improving the past couple of months or so, before the shenanigans at work came down. and the drop into darkness was so deep, so overwhelming, so staggering that i thought i would be lingering there for much longer than i have. when the bottom dropped out and i was hurtling down into that endless pit of misery and woe, i couldn't take the time to concentrate and look up to see if i could find any last flicker of hope. and being down that far, i didn't want to be around or near anyone. i can't say i'm one hundred percent back on the road to recovery quite yet. but at this moment, i do feel a lot better than i have in the last few days...

the things that are so crucial for helping me to maintain my health and outlook are yoga, tara brach's audio meditations, and a fucking fantastic therapist. whether i'm heading to my yoga class or coming in for a session with my therapist, these are sessions that require me to be at the center of the activity. and i just have not had that as often as i have needed. because i've always put the needs of others before mine, i have gotten so stretched out -- to the point where i have absolutely nothing left to give. but yoga, listening to guided meditations, talking out all my thoughts and troubles with an impartial but sympathetic and insightful therapist are helping me to rebuild myself so that i can regain some semblance of resiliency so that i don't necessarily have to always put the needs of others before mine and so i can just take care of myself a little bit better.

recent events at work totally put a dent in my progress.... but i've finally hit the bottom of the pit and can't fall any further. now, i've got a new shovel in hand and am ready to start trying to dig myself out again.