a precocious patient

i never finished this post. i started it almost two days ago. i'm going to publish it anyway.

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you know what my therapist said the last time i saw her?

i'll never forget it.

she had been listening to me talk, and when i had finished, her head was tilted and propped on one of her hands. she gave me this genuinely quizzical but amused look and said, "you know, you remind me of one of those patients who goes in to see their doctor to see what's wrong with them, but not only do you start telling the doctor all the symptoms you have, you also tell him, 'this is my diagnosis, so prescribe me this.'"

i laughed when she initially said this. it was a pretty funny analogy. and i felt relieved because it confirmed for me that not only was it okay for me to feel the things i do, but also that my perceptions and impressions were fairly apt.

however, later on, as my session with the therapist progressed, the analogy wasn't so funny anymore. it started to hit home for me how much responsibility i have for my own situation. sure, there are others to blame. but i have to own up to my role in fostering this whole victimhood thing since i am aware of what's going on; talking myself out of believing that my impressions are valid is what has allowed me to continue letting myself be taken advantage of and letting my own needs be overridden.