a big loop

i started a second job last week. i'm starting to need that extra bit of help to ensure that i don't go in the red by the second or third week of the month. at the end of the month the past few months, i've found my checking account in over-draft mode.

today, after i finished my usual 8-to-5 gig, i went on my merry way to put in some hours for my second job. i ended up coming back to the house at close to 9 p.m.

i knew it was going to happen one of these days. i knew it would happen without warning. but did i expect it to happen today? no. you could've kicked me in the head and i wouldn't have felt it.

i came home to see his car in our driveway.

i had to compose myself and force myself through the motions of getting out of my car. i wasn't ready for this. i had thought i would be. but i wasn't. he was here -- at my house. they were in the house together. knowing i'd be back at some point in the evening.

i steeled myself as i put my house key into the lock and turned the key. i pushed the door in.

the door opened to the sight of the three of them sitting in the living room -- my roommate, her kid . . . and him.

wow. this was really something.

and it's just weird. i know about him and her. i've known for a while. and she has become quite open in talking to me about him -- about their relationship -- about their sex life -- everything.

and he doesn't know about my history with her.

from the outside, i have to admit that if i didn't know all the players as intimately as i do, i would say that she is quite the con artist. all of these people she has around her to love her and take care of her needs. that's quite a talent.

i acted normally. i should win an acting award. what else could i have done, though?

it's crazy, though. months of therapy didn't prepare me for a night like tonight. it knocked the wind out of me. it make my hands tremble. but no one noticed i was shaken up, and that's all i care about.

i've got more on my mind. . . . but that's for another blog. two jobs -- tough. i'm tired.

signing off --