my imaginary boyfriend

when things are generally going bad, one must merely hunker one's shoulders down, continue firmly forward, and patiently wait for things to get better.

when things are generally going well, one tends to wonder how long the good-luck spell will last while guiltily enjoying the great boon that the good fortune brings.

i guess i'm in a real pensive mood tonight. things have been going pretty steadily along lately. i have nothing much to complain about. life, these past couple of weeks, has been going generally all right. i've merely been trying to keep in mind that i must not expect too much of others. and when i don't take them seriously, as i've had in the past, then all those expectations fall away, and it is easier for me to keep myself in the moment and yet detached from it all.

i ran a race over the weekend -- just a small 5k. having been sick throughout the month of april, i hadn't had much of an opportunity, let alone will power, to try and train for it. and had it not been for a friend signing up for the race, i probably would have let the race slide. but i did run it and i'm glad i did. i've gained some weight ever since coming down with the strep, and the race was just the thing to help motivate me to get back into shape.

after all, it is almost summer as well. gotta get into bikini shape!

anyhoo, the other day, i had a weird moment at work.

i was walking down the hall, and a big boss came out of one of the doors and began walking with me, in the same direction i was. the hallway was empty except for us.

i greeted him with a "hello," and he responded in kind.

then, putting an arm around my shoulders with a firm hand, he said, "so. what's the name of your boyfriend?" this instant physical contact startled me, but i tried not to be visible about my reaction. his hand on my shoulder felt heavy, and he was pulling me closer to him so that our sides were pressed against each other as we walked. he has been trying to get me to start studying for the bar exam, and he is always telling me jokingly, "stop going out with your boyfriend and just hit the books!" i always got the sense, whenever he said that, that he wanted me to admit whether i had a boyfriend or not.

trying to think quickly, i responded, "well. is this something we should be discussing at work?" i gave him a sort of teasing smile. but i didn't like the weight of his hand on my shoulder.

he began laughing. "c'mon, you don't want to talk to me?" he was strutting as he walked, his head tilted cockily to the side as he gave me a look. one of his lesser-known names is the b@ndy rooster -- and he certainly lived up to the name at the moment.

i shrugged good-naturedly at him. "gotta keep my secrets, you know," i replied, forcing a laugh. but my mind was racing, going over things that he has said to me in the past and getting a bad sense of things to come, if i did not remain vigilant and on my guard.

gotta watch it with this guy.