burn out

there's not enough time in the day.

i get up bright and early at . . .

-- 7 a.m.

:-T

okay, maybe more like 7:15-ish.

:-T

and i make it into the office late, a few minutes past 8.

from there, i just go non-stop. things are just intense. i get caught up in the deadlines, the rush, the need to please, the desire to help. and before i know it, it's 5 p.m., 6 p.m., and the exhaustion hits me. at that point, it's time to go home, and i am way too worn out to do anything else.

but i have to. there is just more to do, even after the normal business hours are over. things i've committed to doing outside of work and which are just as consuming as a full-time job is.

in a way, i guess you could say i have a commitment problem: i commit to doing things that i am cajoled, persuaded, or believe i have to do.

i fell ill with strep throat about two weeks ago. when i did, i was out sick from work for over a week. dimples has told me that she thinks i got that sick because it was my body's way of making me take a break from all my commitments. at the time she said that, i didn't really believe it. but now i do. in retrospect, i needed that time off from work. before i got sick, i was starting to get really burned out and resentful. i was overwhelmed with work -- but no longer feeling any motivation to care about getting it all done.

now, i've only been back at work for two weeks, i think. and i have seen a resurgence in my level of energy and motivation. it's just been feeling great to be back after having all that time off. but already, i'm starting to feel piqued.

as my boss has noted, my office has a bad habit of "eating our young." or as dimples has said wryly to me at least once, at our office, 20% of the staff end up doing 80% of the work. when you're good, you're given assignments as a testament to your abilities; if you're not good, you're . . . well, you're not given anything. you're paid to sit on your ass and waste time and space.

such a great thing to be able to get paid to do nothing -- while the 6 million+ unemployed throughout the nation would just love to have a chance at that job and make sure that they gratefully earn that wage.

:-T

that's how it is with st@te service, though. a lot of the staff are mediocre. they do enough to get by, if even that. it's just hard to fire such lazy asses. the state rules protect them.

ah, but i'm just griping. i'm just a little frustrated, though. the work i do isn't all that hard, per se. however, i'd say that the fact that i'm doing the same amount of work that 2-4 staff should do is starting to wear on me once more. i'm burning out yet again.

i'd also like to start figuring out how to fulfill other commitments i've made. i know i just need to be a little more productive and efficient with my time. just schedule things, and follow through with the schedule.

ugh! it would just be easier if there was more time in the day!

:-T