sentiments regarding july 2008 cabarx, day 1

now, i know i didn't study even a FRACTION as much for this july bar exam than i did for february. i think i wrote a post last week and mentioned that i was studying only half as much. actually that was a straight-out fib. it's more like twenty percent.

:-T

nonetheless, that damned Question 2 threw me for a god damn fucking loop.

i failed again. i just know it. i fucked that one up. majorly.

also, if you are reading this blog and you are currently taking the bar exam in the laptop room at the sack conv3ntion c3nt3r, then you might have noticed me.

yes, i am the girl who, at some point during the first session, starting glaring at all the proctors and giving them an evil eye that was so vicious, it ended up causing that 5.0+ earthquake in los angeles this morning.

why? why did i cause such an atrocious act of nature?

(no, i didn't cause that earthquake. but bear with me here)

because my damned laptop TURNED OFF just when i was half-way done with Question 3.

WHY did it turn off?

because the stinkin' electrical outlet into which my laptop was plugged didn't work! and my laptop was running on battery juice the whole time, and i didn't even know it -- until it went kaput after just over two hours.

i was LIVID.

seriously, it's bad enough the bar examiners keep their damned pass rate so low. but they also wanna keep on sabotaging me year after year??

ugh!

so i was mad. it was only two hours into the exam, and already i felt i was gonna fail. plus, i had a shitty night of sleep last night, was in a bad mood, and rather tired, so i was ready to give up then and there. i almost walked out of the testing center. there was no way i was going to write out the remainder of question 3, if my first two questions' answers were gone.

but luckily, i pulled myself (and my concentration and temper) together, finished question 3 as best i could, just continuing off of where i thought i left off on the laptop, and voile! finished it. then, when everyone went off to break, i went and found a plug for my laptop to charge the battery and see what damage had been caused and whether i lost my typed answers altogether. but nope -- they were there, and it LOOKS like everything is good to go. . . . my answers are all uploaded already as of now. . . .

:-T

still think i failed, though. i had planned to go back and add more crap to my first two answers. but ugh, my computer shutting off like that nixed that intent. i really didn't know my 'puter was on battery mode. it is one of those things you take for granted, i guess -- that there will be functional electrical outlets for your 'puter during a major exam like that. . . !

but . . . *sigh* whatev.

55s all around, i think, for session 1.

>:-|

the p.t. today was rather doable, i thought, though. it was after lunch so i was finally in a better mood after having eaten a nice big home-made pastrami sandwich i'd made and lots of other goodies. when i started reading the fact pattern for that p.t., i wanted to bust out laughing. it seriously was hiLARious.

an in-house supermarket security lady busting two gangly young punks for "stealing" nuts?

there is just something funny about a big brawny security guard lady chasing two guys and busting them for taking nuts.

okay. i'm the only one laughing. but seriously, at the time, i thought it was hilarious. and even now, it cracks me up.

i didn't prepare for the p.t. stuff at all this time around. so the last time i took a p.t. was, well, last february.

:-T

still, even though i was rusty, i still managed to answer all the crap on the memo instructions. i started having way too much fun with it in the end, though. i mean, seriously, with facts like that (i did not give the burly security guard lady much slack in my answer -- LOL), i got into it. i had to do some speed typing during the last five minutes in order to completely address everything i wanted to address. but at least i finished the day on a stronger note than how i started it.

:-T

i parked hella far from the testing site. but it's only 'cause i'd rather spend only ten bucks for a whole day of parking, not fifteen to twenty-five. that means i had to walk a good dozen or so blocks to and from my car. the walk was great during the cool of the morning -- but seemed rather long during the hot afternoon. . . .

still, it's good to just be able to amble at my own pace before and after. it gives me peace of mind.

:)

i'm quite certain this is my last time -- at least for a while. i'm not going to keep on doing this forever. you know, when you're in school and you're trying to ace a test, you get a sense of motivation from knowing that getting the grade is in YOUR hands. it is a matter of you conquering that test so that you can pass on to the next level.

with the bar, it just gets rather . . . tiring to be striving to attain the same ol' thing year after year.

i was thinking about that today as i sat at the exam, listening to the same person (dolores) drone on giving me the same instructions that i've heard a gazillion times.

i'm so over it. and today solidified it.

the desire, the motivation, the incentive to conquer this one little exam, to make the grade -- just isn't there anymore.

please don't read that as me giving up, per se. read that as me just being . . . tired of it all.

:-T

anyway, i'm about ready for a nap. but -- must not take any rest! time to crack open an outline . . . .

'til tomorrow -- and to everyone else, don't let me be a downer. i'm sorry for venting so soon into this thing. but hey, i never said i was nice -- i always said i was bitchy and snarky! and i just like being able to prove it every once in a while. :)

but that's just me. as for you guys, KEEP AT IT!!! one day knocked out, two more to go. good luck on the MBEs tomorrow!