back on the chain gang

as can be seen by my lack of posting about studying for the bar . . . .

no, i haven't started studying yet.

my soul is crying out for "real life." i am yearning to be free, to start making a living, to willingly enslave myself to the desire for a sustainable living wage. my closet cries out for new pairs of designer jeans, marc jacobs heels, new designer bags, and this one really cute top from anthropologie. money, comfort, mental well-being -- these are the things that i love most.

but no, it's not meant to be . . . .

not yet anyhow.

for, tonight, it is done: i signed up for the july bar exam. . . .

and i feel like dr. faustus must have felt when he realized he had been tricked by mephistopheles that he had actually signed away his soul to eternal damnation, all for the sake of enjoying a few temporary earthly pleasures . . . .

*loong, drawn sigh*

what gets me is that i have signed my soul over like this to the california bar over and over again. it seemingly never ends.

but . . . i am starting to get in the mind-set for this shit all over again. waitress, j.d., had recommended that i use this book to help me with the MBEs for the last exam, and i wish i had followed her advice at the time. it's not that i blatantly disregarded her advice -- but i just couldn't afford even the fifty-plus dollar price-tage on the book at the time. . . . but of course, i can afford it now -- and i just placed an order for it a few days ago. hopefully, it gets here soon . . . .

and i also just signed up for a subscription to the bar essays website. i've taken a look through the website -- and i'm already impressed. it contains, among other things, a database full of both high-scoring and low-scoring essay exams that were actually written out, whether typed or hand-written, during bar exams of recent years, from between 2003 and 2007. it definitely seems like a good tool -- and i'll be printing out a bunch of materials for my review in the coming weeks.

overall, except for these additions to my studying repertoire, i am not really going to invest in other materials . . . . i know i have everything i need right here at my fingertips otherwise. it's real tempting to try to throw money around -- but it's not how much money you spend. it's what you do with the things you've got and make the most out of your resources. and i have a lot of shit available to me. i make great outlines. i just need to re-memorize the black letter and learn how to write the damned essays -- and just make sure to keep practicing this shit over and over and over again until i get it.

but this will be my last shot at the california bar. i'm moving on after this. whether to another state exam or just to another state altogether, i'm moving on and putting this behind me as soon as i get it over with. i'd like to make sure i make this last attempt worth my while. . . . but i'm not going to be too hung up on it if things don't go well yet again.

so much stuff to do and get done while i'm alive, you know? including writing a book. . . .

yes, i think i'd like to write a nice little novel . . . . about a crazy, weird, lezbo viet chick with a riotgrrl soul who went to law school to make her fam happy but whose dream is really just to be able to eat dim sum every day, blog about nothing, and be a kept girl in an ivory tower.

seriously, now -- what a great life that'd be. . . .

:-T