full of shit (where "shit" = myself)

the morning has been crazy!

right now, i kinda feel as if i'm in the middle of the rainforest and unable to find a clear path to walk on that will lead me out of the chaos and back into civilization. still, i am determinedly hacking away at the underbrush with my machete, clearing all the debris away and forging my own path that i know will ultimately lead me out of the craziness.

so despite it all, at least i feel that the fate of the day is in my hands and not left up to random chance. :)

and it's a good thing i've been kept pretty busy all day thus far today. it's already a quarter to one! half the day is already gone! yay!

my uncle has been trying to get a-hold of me for the past few days. i finally just talked to him about an hour ago. he really wants me to apply for this one particular attorney gig, even though bar results haven't come out yet. "apply," he says, "and let me know when you've submitted your application. then i can give them a call."

O_O

sometimes i'm astounded by how much leverage he has -- in all the right places.

he's pulled a bunch of strings for me before, and because of him, i've had lots of opportunities to meet local politicians and party it up at fund-raisers and campaign events and stuff. he's an awesome dude, and that's why he is so well-placed and still well-liked even after years of having been out of the political arena. like the rest of my family on my maternal side, he's just a great dude -- brash and honest and just totally hilarious. he's got some strong opinions and doesn't hesitate to share them. and on a personal level, he's done so much for me and is always on the look-out for new opportunities for me. he's easily my favorite uncle.

just like i'm easily the favorite niece of all for him and all my other aunts and uncles. :) seriously, they all treat me as if i were their own kid. and i know none of my other cousins gets the same kind of treatment from aunts and uncles. it's fucking awesome and a damned privilege. i totally try to respect this and not take it for granted.

i think my family is strange like that. there are so many strong personalities, and as a result, people from one familial subset won't necessarily get along with people from another familial subset. certain people just don't like compromising their personalities, quirks, and/or opinions and so rather than do so, they just avoid anything more personal than a "howdy-do."

fortunately, i'm nothing like that. i take after my momma in this respect; we can get along with anyone. in fact, we're the type of people who can make friends with total strangers. because of this, i can actually negotiate my way into each familial subset within my family tree without nary a qualm. i don't see anyone else in my family, both within my family nucleus and among familial relations, being able to do so -- nor even having the desire to do that.

it makes me wonder why. don't they want to be on good terms with anyone else besides their immediate family? we're all blood, you know!

oh, wait -- it just hit me why. it's an asian thing, i think. but each family subset is in competition with each other, each wanting their kids to be the best and most successful. so this carries on into how they interact with each other, with outside relations. now that i think about it, i think i am the one who is cut the most slack and is treated most favorably by everyone. i'm the first of my particular generation within the family to have finished one, let alone two, advanced degrees. and now that i think about it, i think all the aunts and uncles have lavished accolades on me to their kids -- while also instigating them to try to surpass me in achievements. . . .

and it is easy for the cuzzes to do this if they become doctors or whatever.

as everyone in the world knows by now, having doctor kids is every stereotypical asian family's dream.

and in regards to this particular stereotype, my fam ain't no exception.

silly people. don't they know that family members should love each other no matter what?

still, i'm the only one who can navigate through the murky waters and have genuine and positive interactions with all the families, despite the fact that each of them generally tend to prefer to keep on their own island. they stll willingly let me enter their domain whenever i want.

it's at such times that i like being me. i do have an inordinate amount of pride and tend to be a bit self-absorbed. but i haven't got so much pride that i cannot appreciate the personalities and unique proclivities in other people.

yes, i'm a strange, moody chick sometimes. i prefer books to people because i prefer fictional drama, not real-life drama. and i am full of myself sometimes (or a lot of the time, depending on how you see it), despite my insecurities and occasional indecisiveness about what i really believe. and one of my favorite pasttimes of all time is talking shit about people -- even though i know i should know better and should stop partaking of such a heinous activity.

nonetheless . . .

i do think the world would be a better place if everyone was just like me.