yesterday was my first night of bar review. the class went pretty late last night.
against my better resolve, i let myself get talked into a party last night. i left my house at around 11:30 p.m. and didn't come home until a quarter to 2. i got only five hours of sleep.
i know lots of people can get by on five hours of sleep just fine. but abbagirl cannot! abbagirl needs a good eight to ten in order to have a happy day!
it was a bad idea to go out. but i went 'cause i felt obligated. and i had an okay time -- if getting someone else's puke on your designer jeans is considered "okay." :-P ha! but that's not actually why i had a rather lackluster time. i just didn't really know anyone there.
but i did have this really delicious drink that tasted perfectly awesome. it's what led to my downfall and made me too tired to wanna stay up late and do my homework, which was supposed to involve spending 3 hours doing a practice MPT.
i've learned my lesson -- no more parties during bar review!! or at least no parties where you know you won't have a great time and the only thing you can do to have fun is drink one delicious cocktail after another.
;)
but i did have this really delicious drink that tasted perfectly awesome. it's what led to my downfall and made me too tired to wanna stay up late and do my homework, which was supposed to involve spending 3 hours doing a practice MPT.
i've learned my lesson -- no more parties during bar review!! or at least no parties where you know you won't have a great time and the only thing you can do to have fun is drink one delicious cocktail after another.
;)
anyway, so yeah, that's why i ended up coming to class completely empty-handed today.
and i was tardy, too. i hate being tardy for anything! but finding parking was a complete pain in the rear and nearly impossible downtown. i gave myself a 40 minute cushion to find parking, too, but ended up using the entire cushion -- and then some. i wasn't the only one late, but class was held up until the other tardy dude and i arrived.
it was embarassing.
anyhow, i have to vent about something.
my older sister's b.f.f. really irritates me. i find her ultra-annoying.
the b.f.f. is chinese-american, married with three kids, and just a few years older than my sister. she and my sister have been b.f.f. for about a year now, having met at work. they hit it off instantaneously and are now inseparable. they spend quite a lot of time together at work, they carpool together, and they spend time together in the evenings, too.
i have hung out with the b.f.f. only a few times. the first time i met her, a number of months ago, it was for lunch at a noodle place. my sister had been keen on having us meet; she had told b.f.f. all about my charming ways, the b.f.f. was intrigued and said she wanted to meet me, and so eventually this lunch was set up.
in my eyes, the lunch was disappointing. for someone who allegedly professed to wanting to meet me, she didn't seem to want to acknowledge my presence. yes, she totally and completely ignored me and barely paid me a second glance. at first, i thought it was because of shyness; after all, i'm just a stranger. so while she and my sister conversed, i'd listen and then contribute to the conversation. but even then, no. nothing. jokes, smiles, witticisms? i did them all and still could not get accepted into their conversation. so lunch couldn't end quick enough for me.
like, whatev. i'm TRYING here, ya know? and the girl, although completely nice, was not being very helpful.
so i was, like, fine. i know the score. it's over before it's begun. buh-bye. have a nice life, and don't let the door smack your ass on the way out.
imagine my surprise when, during the succeeding months, my sister would try to get me to hang out with her crowd and say, "oh, b.f.f. really wants you to hang out and come to such-and-such a party!"
i'd try to hide my disbelief and just be all, "yeah, uh-huh. um, sure. oh! darn it, don't you know, i promised to go to this other thing already! er, maybe next time, all right?"
but still, over the past year or so, i haven't completely managed to avoid the b.f.f. over time, the b.f.f. has thawed, though, and has begun making more eye-contact and is not making as much of a concerted effort to exclude me from conversations or exchanges. but there's this gap that continues to be in place.
which is cool. to each his own, ya know? i can get along with her for my sister's sake.
but what annoys me most is that, when i'm hanging with her, she makes certain statements that convey to me that she thinks she knows my sister better than me.
it's happened a number of times, not just once. so i know i'm not imagining it. and it irks me. like, i'll be just chatting with her and say something teasing about my sister, and she'll just give this pause and say, ". . . i know."
it just flips me OUT, i tell you! i really wanna sock her in the nose. like, who is she to demonstrate to me that she knows my sister better than me?
and yet at the same time, i must acknowledge: there are now things that i really don't know about my sister and that she does know better than me.i guess this is a major part of why i'm irked -- because it is true that she knows my sis better.i feel, in many ways, that the b.f.f. has taken my place in my sister's life.
so yeah, okay. maybe a little tiny bit of jealousy. :-P
at the same time, my 'tude to the b.f.f. is, "go ahead and take my sister! i don't care!" because my sister has gotten weird.
but then, the crux, again, is that she only has gotten weird because of the b.f.f.
there are a number of reasons why i think the b.f.f. and the b.f.f.'s crowd is weird. they are ghetto. i am not. few of them graduated from college, while i, of course, did. they speak in colloquial ghetto talk. i do not; i talk exactly as i blog -- lots of colloquialisms but definitely not ghetto.
i know. you'd think that, because we're all asian, we'd have an instant asian connection. ;)
but believe it or not, there is nonetheless a huge culture and class clash between me and them. i neither have nor desire a suped-up rice rocket. i listen to hip-hop, r & b, and rap only occasionally, but i don't make a habit of it.
i drive a plain ol' pathfinder, i listen to rock n' roll, i am super nerdy, and i'm totally a whitebread L7.
sorry. sad but true.
and my sister is so different when she's with them. with me, with family, she's quiet, moody, temperamental, aloof. it's hard to tell when it's a good time to even say hi to her. for my part, i've learned, over the years, that there are just some things i can count on her and some things i cannot. and that has been hard for me to accept because i'm the type of person who is all in. if i'm a part of your life, and i like you, then there are no ifs, ands, or buts. there is nothing i would not do for you. i take after my mom in this respect, and that is why we are fiercely loyal to one another; no one else in our lives has this characteristic or even understands it.
with her friends, she's loose, child-like. nothing like what i'm used to seeing her as. so it's kinda weird, ya know?
still, if b.f.f. really wants to be my friend as much as she is my sister's, then she needs to do a little bit more than what she already has. i'm really easy, ya know. i can overcome any obstacles between any person and me and be friends with anybody. but it'd help if i could at least work with an open mind and heart. and you'll see that you don't need to try to one-up me in order to earn my respect.
just be open. and then trust me to do all the rest. you will love me within five seconds flat. or less. guaranteed.
