the taste test

if there were any remaining doubts about whether i really only like girls or not, i was put to the test last night.  and i have to say that those remaining doubts have been completely and utterly eradicated.

 

i went on a date with the guy again.  it was our third.  i like him.  i like him a lot.  he is attractive, funny, charming, has a great body, and has the ability to look at me in such a way that i feel like the only girl in the room.  it makes me glow inside to feel that i am so attractive to him.

 

nonetheless, i had it in my head, before i even set out to see him last night, that i was going to let him know that i didn't think we should see each other anymore.  i was just going to end things before i got in too far.

 

as it was, i didn't get a chance to.  i was caught up in the buzz my cocktails gave me in, in the conversations, the flirting.  and i didn't want to ruin the light mood.

 

we had made out during our second date.  our third date was a continuation of the make-out session.  he's a pretty decent kisser.  i didn't mind our kissing during our second date.  but the third date's make-out session?

 

i . . . am just not very into it.

 

it's been years since i kissed any guy.  i'd forgotten how . . . firmly insistent their kisses can be.  and i just don't particularly care for that style.

 

i like kisses to be delicate.  soft.  gentle firmness.  subtly tantalizing nips and nibbles.

 

he's a strong guy.  there's something about being with someone physically stronger, who can lift me up and arrange and rearrange me to suit his purposes.

 

but there is something i enjoy even more about being with a girl.  someone who has the same physical softness and fragility and delicateness.  someone who can be assertive without being overpowering.  someone who makes me feel every inch an equal as she.

 

*sigh*

 

so as a result of the taste test, i now know.

 

i need to find another girl.  and try to shed myself of this guy.

 

the test is over . . . . now.