mischief managed and mismanaged

it took a while, but mischief managed. still don't know if i was purposely sabotaged, but goodness, so long as i can do what i'm supposed to do so that monday goes smoothly, i will just be eternally grateful for the goodness of the few people in the world i can turn to and trust -- even as badly as i do feel for putting them out.

i really can't wait for this project to be over -- and to be off the project. it has . . . made me doubt myself and caused a lot of stress to be placed on me and other people -- not just nutso but others at work who have come to be my friends and care enough about me to take pity on me.

:-T

it's just been an interesting, interesting week all around.

one of the more interesting things that happened, besides the crazy psycho drama created by nutso and the dyke manager in love with me, has to do with dimples.

dimples and i have been doing really well in regards to our friendship. she's the first ex-lover i've had with whom i've managed to remain not only on good terms with but become even more ultra-close with. she really is my best friend right now. we talk to each other, e-mail each other, text each other, and keep each other updated on our lives. we have been intimate with each other as much as we possibly can be without ever crossing the line back into physical attraction and intimacy.

i mean, for my part, i still do feel attracted to her. there have been quite a few times when, while talking with her, my eyes would inadvertently flit down over her body and check her out. and then i would force my eyes back to her face and curse myself and hope that i was not obvious in my attentions. despite this, i have learned to just ignore the attraction until it seemed to fade into the periphery. it got to the point where, really, i regarded her as just a friend.

and so it has been for the past three or four months.

so imagine my surprise to learn something new about my friendship with her this past week.

just when i thought there would be no new surprises, i got one.

i'd been having a weary, wary sort of day at work. i was mostly wary because of how dyke manager in love with me had not really been talking with me that day. in fact, she seemed to be totally ignoring me, and this was just unusual; whenever she was in the office, we were always joking and bantering with each other. so i spent most of the day complaining about it with dimples via e-mail.

finally, towards the end of the day, after making plans to meet after work for drinks dimples, in response to some message i sent to her, wrote to me:

i want to tell you something that might make you feel better but make me look silly, but don't want to send it by e-mail. are you near your cell phone?

i was in the middle of doing tasks and couldn't respond right away. but when i was able to settle down at my desk, i finally responded:

sorry for the delay, but yes, i am now here and near my phone. definitely could use some cheering up -- so send it! :)

a few minutes later, i received a text from her. and when i read her message, i was surprised. not extremely surprised, but surprised enough that my eyebrows shot straight up immediately.

her text said:

i was jealous when [dyke manager in love with me] asked you out to dinner. there! i said it! does that make me crazy?

i instantly shot off a reassuring text message to her. i kind of felt as if i were reassuring a girlfriend that i was true to her and only to her. but i dismissed the feeling and just hastened to say:

not even! are you kidding? [dyke manager in love with me] is older and wrinkly and totally not my type! i'd never go there! LOL!

i went for humor in my response, trying to quell the questions that began popping up in my head. dimples wrote back:

i know she is old and wrinkly but she was and is trying to put the moves on you, and it made me jealous. . . . and can i tell you something else?

i could feel my heart skipping every other beat now. but i responded:

but i would never! okay, what else??

and then dimples shot me this text which raised my eyebrows so much higher that they almost crashed through the ceiling:

i've been fantasing about you all the time. i'm sure you've been able to tell from the way i've been looking at you. maybe i shouldn't say this to you -- i don't want you to think i want to mess with your head after everything we've been through.

i started trying to respond but couldn't think of the right thing to say. so a few minutes later, she shot me another text:

i'm sorry! are you mad?? maybe i shouldn't have said anything. . . !!

and then i responded.

what do you think my response was?