NOPE.

still haven't looked. everything is going so well in my life right now. and the idea that my good attitude and good outlook can be turned upside-down, my mood darkened and gloomy, just from looking at the results pisses me off.

i'm not looking yet.

i'm not, i'm not, i'm NOT.

. . . not yet.

luckily, i've been out of the house for most of the weekend. i hung out at a friend's house most of saturday. when i got home, i found the mail had arrived -- including the large, almost-square white envelope with the state bar's return address in the top right corner. i tossed it aside and didn't look at it again.

then today, i spent the day at the house of another friend. it was supposed to be a short visit, but they ended up insisting i stay for dinner. another good, long distraction. we had a good time.

and now i am home again. and it's quite easy for me to avoid delving into my pile of unopened mail or to go looking for my calbar applicant info so that i can check results out over the internet. you have no idea how easy . . . . and the fact that i know i'll be mad/disappointed/gloomy right after looking is incentive for me to keep my blinders on.

no worries, though. when i do look, you'll be the first to know -- all of you. i keep no secrets from the few of you guys who read my blog -- well, except maybe one or two. . . . but you've been with me through this whole process; i won't keep you in the dark when it comes to how this particular aspect of my journey goes.

so maybe tomorrow . . . . maybe tomorrow, i'll just do it and get it over with.