not crossing the line

one of the reasons why i will likely never write a good-sized novel until i'm at least 60 is because i have a short attention-span. i can't commit to writing a whole entire story -- if there is something else i'd much rather write about.

so that's why i'll save finishing up the story on my prior post for another day. in the meantime, there's another story on my mind to write about.

i mentioned one or two posts ago that a few of my co-workers were planning on getting together again. it was arranged that we'd all meet up for bowling this past friday night, at 9 p.m.

so we did.

there were eight of us -- three guys and five girls -- and we split into two teams and played in two adjoining lanes. i had arrived at the bowling alley with my office b.f.f., the vietgirl. also there was flip girl, the b.f.f. of my archnemesis, laos girl. laos girl herself had not come, for which i was glad. and the other girl there who is worthy to note is another cool person from my office whom i shall call dimples because -- well, i think she has really cute dimples.

:)

dimples is mexican-american, a single mom of a daughter who recently had her first birthday. she is a couple of years younger than me. she wears really cute glasses and is really pretty.

we bowled for almost three hours. i had a hot start, getting four strikes in my first game. i was definitely the best girl player there.

;)

but the more we drank, the worse my game got. by the end of our last game, i'd had maybe four pints of beer and a shot of jager. i barely finished the last game above sixty. of course, the guys were steady and strong throughout. one of them ended up scoring over 200 by the end of the last game.

throughout the night, the bowling alley progressively got darker and darker until all the main lights were turned off. hip-hop music blared, and music videos were showing on two big flat screens that hovered at the end of the bowling lanes. retro strobe lights threw rainbows of colors that rotated crisply all around the building.

sometimes when i drink, i often go all quiet. it does not mean i'm having a bad time or anything; it just means that the alcohol is having an effect on me, and i just don't feel like doing anything but sitting quietly. so when it was not my turn to bowl, i would sit apart from the others.

and okay, maybe it means i'm not having the best time. but it doesn't mean i'm having a bad time.

:-T

vietgirl was concerned about my quietness and kept checking up on me. "are you having fun? you're not having fun, are you?" she kept asking. it was kind of annoying, but i just kept reassuring her that i was indeed having fun.

as the night wore on, dimples also started getting friendlier with me. she and i rarely talk at the office. i guess it's just shyness on both our parts. oddly enough, we both work in the same exact unit; it's just that our job tasks are so different that our paths don't really cross. her desk is maybe four cubes away from me. she often passes by mine whenever she has to talk to her boss. but except for a few cursory greetings and small talk, we've never said anything substantial to each other.

but on this night, dimples began getting really friendly with me. the beer must have been getting to her, too. she started talking candidly about our office. i learned some interesting things from her about my own boss. of course, it's all second-hand gossip. ;) and yet where there's smoke, there's fire, right?

when it got close to midnight, dimples still wanted the night to continue. all three guys and one girl said they were going to call it a night. but flip girl, vietgirl, and i were game to go. "where do you wanna go?" i asked dimples.

"let's go to faces!" she said.

for non-sactown residents, faces is a really popular gay club downtown. not that there are very many to choose from, mind you, but it is still a pretty good, fun club.

i was surprised by her choice, though. what's a straight girl doing, suggesting going to a gay club? but i was still amenable. and i could see from the expressions of the other two girls that they were game, too.

but i had a sudden moment of instantaneous doubt. "but what about our clothes?" i said looking down at my attire. i was wearing a tank, jeans, and a pair of converse slip-ons. i had dressed solely for the purpose of bowling, not clubbing.

the other two scrutinized themselves. "yeah," they said, too. "we're not dressed for clubbing!"

but dimples waved her hand at us. "who cares? we look fine -- let's just go!"

so we did.

i offered to drive since i was not as bad off as they were, and we all piled into my car. we got to the club about twenty minutes later and headed straight to one of the dance rooms.

as far as i can tell, faces has three dance rooms. each room was packed. but we made space for ourselves on the dance floor and started dancing.

it'd been a while since i'd gone dancing. i didn't realize how much i missed it until i felt and heard the loud beats ripping through me. i let myself get lost in the music.

so the four of us started dancing together in our own little circle. after a short while, dimples started dancing with me. she held me at my waist, and i let my arms go around her, and we started grinding our hips in time to the music. i didn't think much of it. when i go clubbing with my straight girlfriends, we all sometimes dance together. it's fun -- plus, it helps to ward off any interruptions from guys who want to mack on us.

there was a brief moment of drama during the first ten minutes we were dancing, though. some butch asian girl had pushed through us rather rudely in order to cross the dance floor. dimples didn't like that -- and she pushed the butchie right back. vietgirl and i had to step in between the butch asian and dimples to make sure things didn't escalate. but i also thought it was kind of hilarious. who knew dimples had a crazy temper, especially when drunk?

after a while, we took a break from dancing to take some shots.

i insisted that the shots be on me, so while i waited at the bar, dimples started hugging me from behind, still dancing in time to the beat. i noticed that the big black girl next to me did not take kindly to it because, as dimples gyrated against me from behind, she kept jostling the big black girl. moments later, after we all had taken our shots, there was another fight to be broken up before it even got started when the big black girl knocked over a tall glass of long island iced tea so that it spilled all over dimples. but thankfully, we held dimples back again and mouthed off some insults to the big black girl. we used a towel that the bartender tossed a towel at us to get ourselves, especially dimples, all cleaned up.

despite the drama, once we got back to the dance floor, it was back to having fun. the four of us started dancing together again, and it was not long before dimples turned all her attention on me again. this time, the hands that pulled me to her were more insistent, more daring, more sure. at first, she kept her hands at my back, but soon they began to roam freely, caressing me all over.

at first, my mind was all, like, "WHOA." before, i could dismiss her actions as being the result of a bi-but-mostly-straight girl just going with the flow and having a good time. but now, she was being more assertive, more determined, and her hands were brushing my breasts in a fairly non-accidental manner.

in my mind, i was just all:

O_O

not that i was going to fight it, mind you. i am not adverse to a cute latina chick -- whom i now also saw was spunky and hard core as hell, to boot -- feeling me up like that.

;)

but it still surprised me.

nonetheless, i let my hands ride on her hips at first, and i slipped my fingers under the waistband of her jeans so that i could use her pants to pull her in closer to me. our breasts fitted together and she slipped a leg between mine.

what i love about going clubbing is that the music lets you do so many things that are as close to fucking as possible -- but is not actually fucking. and so we moved together, she and i, our chests rubbing and our crotches undulating together. i let my hands wander as freely as hers did. i relished in the feel of her flesh under my hands; she is such a little hottie. her hands found its way underneath my top, and i felt her fingernails lightly scratching across the bottom of my back and then to the front, grazing across my stomach.

i felt my stomach clench in response.

i'm ticklish.

:-T

but i also saw that this girl meant business. i knew that she knew exactly what she was doing. she had known it from the start of frickin' bowling that she wanted us to come here and that she wanted to dance with me.

my mind was still in the "what the --?!" phase. i tried to remain vigilant because our two other friends were there as well. and even in my buzzed state of mind (and yes, i was getting to be very interested in where this was leading and growing just a tad bit aroused), i knew i had to be careful. i did not want flip girl to have fodder to take back with her to the office on monday that would give laos girl plenty to talk about.

plus, i have seen this before with girls who are presumably straight, who temporarily decide to become gay for a night, and then are back to being straight before you can blink your eye. such girls are trouble. they cause a lot of drama, even if they don't mean to. so i wasn't sure whether i should buy into dimples' otherwise overt, physical flirtation with me. who knew how she would feel about it the following day?

her hands were still on my back under my shirt, but one of them was making its way down even further. i felt her hand slip down into my pants, then into my underwear, to cup one of my ass cheeks. i was kind of surprised, so i reached behind me to pull her hand out. she stopped dancing in her tracks and made a sound of disappointment that i could hear even above the music, but i grinned at her. then as if to make up for it, i pulled her to me so that we could start dancing again. i still had her wrist in my hand, the one which i used to pull her hand out of my pants, so i pulled her arm up so that it was over my shoulder. we started dancing again.

soon her hands were up to their old tricks, sliding up and down over my back and down to my hips. she then let her hands sneak into my top again, and as her hand glided over the skin of my back, underneath my top, i moved my hands up her sides so that the bottom of my palms just grazed the sides of her breasts. i could tell she liked that teasing touch because she then turned her face to mine in an urgent, purposeful manner. her lips were seeking mine. her face nuzzled at mine, and i could feel her lips glide across my jaw.

i snuck a peek at the other two girls; they were still dancing and were not paying attention to us. so i bent my head so i could surreptitiously give dimples a small nip on her neck. i tasted the sweet saltiness of her skin. i then let my lips meander up her neck and over her cheek, before heading to her ear lobe; i wanted to take it gently into my mouth. but before i could, dimples suddenly stopped dancing and moved away.

"let's get out of here," i heard her say.

she grabbed me by the hand, and i let her lead me out of the dance room. she was being assertive -- i like assertive girls. i knew what she wanted. we were getting out of there so that we could find a private spot to start making out. but i knew she wanted more than just making out; i had felt how her body responded to my caresses, felt the urgency with which she had touched me.

we had only gone a few steps out of the dance room, though, when i looked back. sure enough, i saw the heads of the other two coming after us. i slowed down my steps and pulled dimples back. "they're coming," i murmured ruefully in her ear.

"where ya guys going?" vietgirl asked.

i saw that dimples was annoyed. okay, not just annoyed, but starting to get livid. this really was not her night, what with that butch asian chick trying to start shit and then having a drink get splattered on her. so i intervened quickly. "dude," i said. "know what i could really use?" and then i mimed smoking.

it was true. i wanted a smoke. i, who have not smoked and have had no desire to smoke since april, was really finally jonesing for one.

vietgirl herself used to smoke, but she quit about a year ago. surprisingly, though, she said she wanted one, too. so we set off on a quest to find cigarettes. dimples' hand was still in mind, so i gave it a reassuring squeeze to let her know i was disappointed, too.

we found some smokes, and yes, i had one or two that night.

okay, three.

fine, FOUR!

and by the time we left the club, it was 2 a.m., and the doors of the club were being closed. dimples was out of it. we carried her back to my car, vietgirl on one side and me on the other. it took a while, but dimples finally mumbled out her address, and we managed to get her home.

so no, dimples and i did not end up hooking up. and i guess it's all for the best. i don't think i would've ended up going there anyway. i would've made out with her, yes -- but not hook up. i'm too sensible -- and there are just enough red flags that would have, in the end, compelled me to do what i thought was best. which is not sleep with a co-worker, who is a single mom of a one-year-old and who is, at best, a straight-leaning bi girl.

:-T

still, though, i feel like i've been in a haze and that it's only recently that i've woken up from it. for the longest time, i was fixated on only one person; i felt that, despite all the odds and despite the circumstances, she was the one for me. and i could see no one else whom i wanted.

the ache that i still feel in my chest tells me i'm not quite over it yet. i'm still in love with her, and i'm not ready to let her go and move on. but seriously, at the same time, i'm also not going to lie and say i don't like having this recent bout of girls, including a cute albeit drunk co-worker, totally macking on me these past couple of weeks. :-T it's rather nice. but it really does make me feel like i've only just woken up out of some random, heavy reverie to find that, all of a sudden, there are girls waiting to mack on me.

it's odd, though-- flattering, but odd. odd because when that one person, who is the only one in the world you want, makes it known that she does not want you, then no amount of girls throwing themselves at you can ever make up for that.

well, at least, i haven't found the right number of girls to make up for that so far. but for sure, i'm willing to wait and see how many it'll take.

;)

anyhow, i'm curious as to how dimples will interact with me at work tomorrow. we exchanged a couple of text messages saturday afternoon, but they were just polite messages. i'm sure she remembers what happened but was just playing it safe. i hope things aren't going to be too weird; i've always liked her and think she's cool.

it'd be a shame if things were now awkward.

so i'm glad that we didn't cross that line.

yeah, it's no fun being the good girl all the time.

:-T

but it sure does allow me to tell some pretty interesting stories, huh?

;)