a new girl

that girl is on my mind.

no, not my ex-roommate. for once. :-T

but that other girl at my other job. . . .

yesterday, she came to work looking amazing in a black dress. the top half of the dress was black with white polka-dots and was rather demure-looking, and the bottom half was all black and hugged her lower body in the right places and ended at just before her knees. she wore some black kitten heels to match, and overall she just looked great.

i kind of had it in my head that she was dressed that way just for me. up until then, i had never seen her dressed up at work. at that job, there is a somewhat strict dress code: we all have to dress business casual, at minimum, and be all in black. until yesterday, i had only seen her in black leggings or tapered-leg pants, or what-not. so to see her all dolled up was a pleasant surprise.

it could be my imagination. but she seemed to want my attention as much, if not more, than usual. and i have to admit that i went out of my way to be around her. she is rather affectionate with some of her friends at work, and that is starting to include me. and yet even now, i am blushing at the memories of her grabbing my arm a few times and bringing it to her chest. i feel like i now know the exact weight and feel of her breast just from those brushes against my arm alone. she also has very beautiful, intelligent eyes. i ended up getting so instantaneously caught up in them whenever our eyes met, and i could swear that, at those times, she could totally read how much i like her.

sheesh. i swear i'm no different than a horny guy who can't keep his hormones under control.

but i don't know if all of it is just in my head. maybe it is. i just don't want to get my hopes up. i like her -- and i like her a lot already. and i am definitely attracted to her. but at the same time, she is a young thing, and who knows with the younger, post-generation y kids these days. i'm glad that, more and more, the idea of sexual fluidity is being a little more openly embraced by those younger generations. but does that mean this chick is only out for some experimentation?

who knows.

there was an interesting moment yesterday, though, as she left for the day. my shift hadn't ended, so i was still at the front area, where i could look out through these large windows into the front parking lot. i knew her shift was ending and had kind of hoped she would whisk through the front so i could say goodbye. but she ended up stealing out a side door and into a car that was waiting for her in the front. i couldn't help myself; i watched her get in the car and the car start to drive away. suddenly, her head turned toward the window and she saw me. she saw me looking at her. she started smiling broadly and continued to look at me as the car she was in pulled away.

so yeah. . . . maybe she knows. . . .

:-T

despite it all, though, i know i'm not ready for any sort of intimacy with any other person. my therapist and i have talked about that a few times recently and are in agreement on that.

but i still can't wait to go back to work at the second job. . . .

:)

i don't make much money there. i think i get about nine bucks an hour for about twenty hours of work per week. it is a much-needed supplement to my income, for sure, though. a lot of people who know me are surprised by how long i've lasted juggling two jobs, which, on most days, require me to work 10 or 11 hours per day, with less than an hour separating the two gigs. it does get tough, physically, i have to say. but that bunch of people i work with at the second job are so amazing. yes, especially that one girl . . . . but the rest of them, too. i get the energy i need when i'm around others who exude that much energy and enthusiasm, and those are what help to perk me up by the time i get there in the evenings or weekends to help me get through my shift, however long it is. and for sure, now that i have even more of an incentive to come in to work there, i don't see myself giving up this second job for a long while to come . . . .