a small but unexpected and meaningful gesture

oh, fuck me.

i've had the longest, most harrowing day ever.

when i got home this evening, i was depleted. i tried to lay down to take a nap -- but my heart would not stop racing at its insane beat.

i think i'm stressed out.

my boss has been gone for about two-and-a-half days now. he's scheduled to be out of the office for another eight working days. he has a really common, normal white guy name. i will call him bill. bill is, as i mentioned in my last post, a pretty important cog in the organization i work for, and when he is gone, i become bill. it's not by choice -- i have to. there has to be a bill in the office, whether it's bill himself or his designee; otherwise, things just don't run as fluidly. and (un)fortunately, i have to become bill. i have to be the check-point, the instigator, the coordinator. all things flow through bill. whether bill is actually there or not.

it's gotten to the point where i've gotten so immersed in all that is bill that another manager took to calling me "bill, jr.," rather mockingly but in good-humor. i actually find the nickname quite sweet. it tells me that, even as stressed out as i get when i'm supposed to be bill, people are thinking that i am doing a good job as his temporary replacement when he's gone. but really, being bill, jr., can have its challenges.

as a side note, i always thought the gender of the nickname was interesting -- the fact that a masculine suffix was being added to my boss' name to refer to me. why not "bill-ette" or "bill-ina" or something else with a more feminine sound?

:-T

anyway, so bill, jr., ended up having to really step up her game today. she got assigned a couple of new projects to develop/maintain on top of the four she already had on her plate. that, plus there were other bill-related things she had to take care of today, all at a brusque pace -- hence the fact that bill, jr., is utterly whupped and depleted, yet with a still-racing heart-rate that has not yet quieted down for the day.

:-T

i hope tomorrow is better. but . . . this work-load is not going to be going away. that, plus i have my furl0ugh day this friday, which means i'm staying home, so my work-week will be shortened considerably. . . . this furl0ugh shit just sucks. there is just so much to do and even less time during the month to do them.

it's just not good.

:(

then this afternoon, while still at the office, i found that i had a flat tire. the flat tire was so bad that, at the end of the day, a co-worker from another unit who had already left the building came back in to tell me that my tire looked dire.

i ended up taking my car in to be fixed right after i got out of work. the girl who did my intake at the service shop is a familiar face to me; she's done my intake before. and she was actually bitchy at the time.

but this time, she wasn't. as i took a seat at her desk and gave her my key, i didn't expect her to be pleasant. but she surprised me by asking me how i was. i didn't have it in me to lie or fake it, so i said wearily, "i've had a long day."

she gave my face a long look, then began to do her intake and making suggestions of other things i should have done while the car was in the shop. ten minutes later, we were done. i was getting ready to leave when she said, "do you want anything to drink? coffee? soda? i think we have tea, too."

i started to decline -- but then thought a soda would do me good. "yes," i answered gratefully, "a soda sounds nice. i could use some sugar."

so she walked me back to the refreshment area and gestured to where i could help myself to a soda, chatting with me all the while. "thanks so much," i told her as heartfully as i could.

"no problem!" she said cheerfully, then walked back to her desk.

this is such a small exchange between two people. a month from now, i probably won't remember it. but for today, i regard the small kindness of her offering me a soda as the most genuine and generous gesture i have had given to me all day and what seems like a really long while.

and it made me feel good.