waving good-bye to bad habits

how does that stupid saying go?

"if you love something, let it go. if it comes back to you, it's yours forever; if it doesn't, then it was never meant to be."

well, the thing i let go has not come back, so screw that, get me a grey goose vodka on the rocks, and i'll go on my merry way.

some people. seriously!

yeah, so it's been over a week since dimples and i last spoke. there have been times when i was starting to crack. i really wanted to be able to talk to her, tell her the latest gossip or happenings that i came across at work, be able to shit-talk about co-workers. but i didn't. it's all a matter of pride at this point. i'm not going to reach out to someone who doesn't think i'm worth reaching out to in return.

that being said, we have waved good-bye to each other twice. last week, after work, we were both already in our cars pulling out into traffic. i saw her and was going to ignore her, but she honked her horn and smiled and waved at me. i waved back. like, what was i going to do -- not wave back?

:-T

then today, same situation -- except this time, i honked at her and waved. i figured i should reciprocate. she waved back.

and that was that.

so what does it all mean? we're just co-workers who don't even talk to each other but wave at each other from afar?

are you kidding me?

hmmph. well, i suppose it's better than having downright hostility. and she can be pretty damned hostile. in fact, she can be HELLA mean. so maybe i just gotta take it for what it is.

i'm just peeved. seriously, you never know how much a person does not want anything to do with you until, well, she gets a chance to show you how much.

:-T

okay. i guess i'm being overly peevish and melodramatic.

:-T

i'm feeling like crap, though! i think i'm coming down with something. . . .

despite feeling like crap, i hit the gym tonight -- at a rather late hour, 9 p.m. got on the treadmill, did 3 miles, to my amazement. the 5k race i did this past saturday was fun. i did better than i expected to, and just doing the race has given me tons more energy and confidence about picking up running again. like, i just look forward to it now instead of dreading it and making myself do it. i want to do two more races in the coming weeks, but i don't think i should . . . . being furl0ughed and having my paycheck cut by almost 10% is causing me to come up short even before the month is half-way over . . . . like, just a couple of months ago, if you had asked me, i'd have said 10% was no biggie. . . .

but it is.

and yet i really want to do these races. they only cost $20 to $30 each to register, so what -- that means i live on ramen noodles the rest of the month. that's a good compromise, isn't it? trading a healthy habit for an unhealthy one?

:-T