lessons learned

9 p.m.

i was driving home from a friend's house. i had been invited to spend the day, along with a few other folks, at the friend's house to eat lunch, play video games, chit-chat, and just hang out. we had spent the whole day there, and i was finally looking forward to being able to chill by myself at home.

i barely entered the freeway when i felt my phone buzzing in my back pocket. i pulled it out, half-hoping it was from dimples, from whom i had not heard in two weeks but not really expecting it to be her.

i glanced down at the caller i.d. and saw . . .

it was her.

i hesitated a few seconds, then flipped my phone open. "hello?" i said.

she responded the same way she does every time she calls me and i say, "hello": "abbagirl."

that brought a smile to my face. i started talking animatedly. i was really glad to hear from her. "how have you been?? i haven't heard from you in so long!"

she said she was good. but she blurted out, "i hella miss you!"

i confessed the same.

"there's been so much going on," she said. "and you are my best friend -- and i haven't been able to tell you what's been going on! i can't tell anyone else these things!"

i was so relieved. obviously, i've felt the same way, and it was just so good to hear from her and see that i wasn't the only one who felt that way.

she gave me a brief synopsis of some drama that had been going on with her, and i commiserated. then she demanded, "well, what are you doing right now?"

"i'm just driving home," i said. "nothing more than that."

"you wanna come hang out with my other friend and me?" she asked.

i tried to hem and haw. i could tell from the tone of her voice that she wanted to see me tonight, but it was already 9 and i don't do very well with strangers. but in the end, i acquiesced because, well, i wanted to see her, too.

it is now about 2:30 a.m. the night was low-key and fun. it was nice to meet her other friend, whom i had heard so much about. and obviously i came home alone, so nothing untoward happened.

but . . .

i dunno.

the last time i talked to dimples, i felt very sure that nothing physical would ever happen between us again. i could just feel it in the air between us. it was concrete and explicit.

but tonight, i feel like . . . that door is still open. there is still something between us.

i am going to do my utmost and damnedest to make sure nothing gets complicated between us again. the fact that i could hang out with her tonight and listen to the things she had to say, out of earshot of her friend, and not feel torn up or broken-hearted about it gives me confidence. i still care a lot about her -- and i missed her as much she missed me, if not more. but i know i need to be careful -- and the memories of how things came to pass between us these past few months is more than enough incentive for me to be a little more watchful of things. . . .

i'm just glad that she called me and that we talked. it sucks to feel like you've lost your best friend for good. i'm glad to find my friend again. for me, crazy as it is, that's enough.