flummox upon flummox

completely groggy this morning.

it’s that time of the week where every waking moment gets more and more painful!

i think i look like shit. at least not as immaculate as i usually do. my make-up, of course, is fine – but you can tell that i didn’t put too much thought into my wardrobe for the day. ‘cause i didn’t. too tired! i just hope i am not really as bedraggled as i feel. it’s ‘cause of that benedryl i took in the evening for my out-of-control allergies – made me drowsy. . . .

i had a spectacular work-out last night, though, probably my best yet. i pushed myself a little bit harder, and i think i’ll be in at least decent shape for the races if i keep it up. i did smoke my last cigarette yesterday and hope i can hold true and not give in to the urge to get a new pack. . . . but i already miss smoking. i am used to smoking in the morning while i drink my coffee -- and this morning, as i sipped my coffee, i really felt like something was missing . . . .

what always works to distract me from most things, though, is retail therapy! so i’d like to get a new pair of running shoes. i love the ones i got – adidas – very comfortable, wraps around my feet like a second skin, and i’ve run quite a few miles in them. but they’re getting a bit worn – and also, being grey, they tend to not match with some of my work-out clothes. so i’d like to get some new sneaks – but in white, i think . . . . but seriously, i'm really getting into this running thing, more than ever. it's definitely improved my respiratory system -- i can feel it! -- and i just feel so much better.

when i was in my teens, i read the autobiography of debbie reynolds (i was a fan of hers from an early age because of singin' in the rain and the singing nun; because of the latter movie, i thought nuns were really cool and quite ethereal). in the book, reynolds described her experiences working with gene kelly during singin' in the rain, her debut film, and said that kelly was so muscular and built that you could bounce a quarter off his thighs.

as we know, condoleeza rice, too, has a butt you could bounce a quarter off of.

i'd like to get my corresponding body parts tight enough so that such coins may be bounced off of them as well.

:-T

i’ve got a trip planned for the weekend to meet with the grad program i got accepted into. i’m actually on the fence about whether i will go there for fall – which makes it even more important for me to go check the scene out. i’m trying to come up with questions for the faculty with whom i’ve set up meetings. and i’m actually going to try to ask them to make a couple of concessions. i really want to start grad school, and i really want to go back to my studies a.s.a.p. – but there are just other criteria and concerns that need to be addressed before i can go ahead and decide to do it. hopefully, this trip can help me get to a decision right away – otherwise, i anticipate agonizing over the whole thing during the course of the summer. . . .

seriously, though – i need to make a decision soon. neil diamond is touring the country this fall – and i need to know where i’ll be living so that i can plan to attend one of his concerts!!

there are very few dudes who are capable of making me wet my panties. neil diamond is one of them! i seriously have jonesed for him for ever! he’s just such a totally cool songwriter, person, singer, and icon. love him!

yeah, this celebrity crush horrifies my friends, too. “he’s so old!” they say. “he wears sequins! he’s got that sleazy chest hair peeking out of his shirts!”

and i only say this to them:

“I DON’T CARE! HE’S HOT!”

love is ageless. he wears sequins because he's considerate -- when he's performing, he wants to be visible on stage to all, regardless of how far away their seats are. and so he’s got chest hair – BFD!

*dreamy sigh*

my other celebrity crush is joan jett. if you want to flummox me, ask me who i’d rather do: joan jett or neil diamond. i seriously wouldn’t know how to answer.

:-T

speaking of flummoxing, i know it seems that virtually everything flummoxes me (which is very true, actually), but one thing that i am not flummoxed about is the fact that i want my birthday to be much more spectacularly fun than it was last year. and seriously, it really won’t be hard to top last year’s!

i’m a summer baby. born under the sign of cancer. which means my sign is a crab. now, we all know that, even though i’m otherwise pretty empirical and rational, i have an irrational affinity for astrology. that’s why i believe that there can be no more adequate metaphor for who i am than the crab – hard (read: bitchy and mean) on the outside but soft and gooey (read: a sucker) on the inside.

now, every year for my birthday, there has usually been at least a minor to-do about my birthday. nothing major, but at least a few people usually remember it. and i’m the sort of person who doesn’t like to draw attention to myself; i love it when people remember, but i don’t like fuss or being exclaimed over or otherwise making myself the focus of everyone’s attentions.

but last year, no one remembered. at least not until the next day. so i spent the whole day of my birthday getting more and more miffed with every passing minute. even my dad, who always remembers our birthdays, didn’t send me a card until a week later.

MIFFED, i tell you! and when i spoke to my mom in the evening that day, i was all snarky with her -- because even she didn't give any indication that she remembered, either.

my own mom!

i know my birthday’s in the summer and so usually people are off on vacation or busy with summer activities – but still, if it happens again this year, i’m gonna start disowning people.

i have a terrible memory myself. i’m sometimes not very good with names or dates. but dammit, i still remember most people’s birthdays!! and i think i'm a really good gift-giver!

*evil snarl*

punks.

but wow. i really am getting on. i have no recollection of the exact moment when i actually reached adulthood. but i truly do recognize at this moment that there is absolutely no turning back. my age this year will be a multiple of the numbers 4 and 7. even when i hit the quarter-century mark, i did not feel that it was time to be a real, mature adult quite yet.

it just makes me appreciate the shortness of life. if i could, i would love to be able to live forever. i would have liked to see the beginning of time, and i would also like to see the end of it. sounds quite selfish, i know. but there truly is no way to learn, know, and understand everything within a single brief life-span. and death just seems so wrong. it seems like the most cruelest end. . . .