on giving up

early day today. i've been up since the break of dawn. being up this early on a saturday is quite rare for a sloth like me. :-T

but already, there have been lots to do -- and i still got lots to do before the day is over. . . .

anyhow . . . i just want to say thanks to everyone for being so supportive of me. you guys are the best -- lots of hugs for you all!

also a big hug to my special friend skinbeatergreg. the boy needs a couple of hugs himself, if you guys can spare any. :)

another friend of mine told me yesterday that, in a way, i didn't try hard enough in studying for this last bar. "you kinda just gave up, remember?" she asked me.

i was miffed at first. how dare she insinuate that i didn't try hard enough?

but when i thought about it, i realized . . . she may be right.

those last few weeks before the bar, i did just kind of give up mentally. physically, i still went through the routine, trying to go through questions and stuff. but in a huge way, i still ended up giving up on myself. and my chances for passing.

of course, i also hold that damned bar review course i took accountable. after all, they gave me those really old, 30-year old practice MBE questions whose phrasings and level of difficulty were nothing like those that appeared on day 2 of the actual bar exam. i still scored higher than i thought on the MBEs -- but not high enough. but it was no thanks to that stupid, overpriced ($ 2700!!!) bar review class!!

but overall, i gave up mentally. i hate having to be reminded of that. but i think it may be true. and now that someone has actually called me out on that . . . it may be motivation enough for me to want to try again this july -- just to see what can happen if i try to refuse to give up on myself this time around. . . .

. . . :-T . . . .