always "yes"-ing

i've had to call in to my shrink yesterday to make arrangements to come in.

 

my appointment is set for next week.  it was the earliest point in time that i could come in.  after all, despite whatever woes i feel i'm facing, i am certainly not suicidal or feeling murderous or anything.

 

i've been encountering a lot of changes recently.  the major ones have been of my own doing.  and i'm finding out that, even as i go through my own adjustments in trying to adapt to these new changes, there are others around me who are not accepting the changes as willingly as i had hoped.  as a result, despite the changes, i am doing my utmost to ensure that the relationships themselves do not undergo any drastic changes and to assure everyone that my relationships with them will remain unchanged and as privileged as always.  it is still early enough as it is, and i suppose not enough time has been given by either me or anyone else to truly adapt and accept.  but these early days are still tough.  it has been stressing me out.  and it's to the point where i feel i have to seek the advice and counsel of an outside person to help me re-find focus and cut out all the extraneous noise so that i can see the true path, uncluttered, once and for all.

 

i have this thing about therapists and psychiatrists, though.  while i seek their guidance and do  realize the importance of their role and their advice, i also generally take what they say with a grain of salt.  i've found that, while the counsel they provide is based on their experiences and also their opinion of what is right, i always come away feeling like their advice is so . . . unempathetic to me as an asian-american chick, and even more so as a gay asian-american chick.  but their advice is not to be simply discounted because of the lack of cultural insight they may have; the advice still is great as a stepping stone.  but i've found that, after a session with a counselor, there is still so much legwork i have to do in figuring out things and in trying to make western theories of good psychological health mesh with all the unique dysfunctions of coming from a traditional asian family.

 

all that shit – plus trying to study – and other shit – . . . . just has not been making abbagirl a happy camper recently.

 

abbagirl is losing herself.

 

abbagirl is falling apart.

 

abbagirl cannot wait until the month of july is over.

 

but most importantly, abbagirl must stop saying "yes" to everyone.

 

:-P

 

:-T