a little explosion: pt. 1

lordy.

so where to begin?

i know i am sucking as bad as an unclogged toilet when it comes to posting new updates. i do try to squeeze in some time, when i am at work, to try to put something together. but i always get interrupted due to the demands of the job or due to some co-worker or other stopping by to shoot the breeze.

it's hard being a bureaucratic employee.

:-T

either that, or even if i do get started drafting a new post, something on my work computer will cause the program to crash, as it did yesterday, and i end up losing what might have been a really juicy post.

:-T

anyway, though, things have been really good lately. dimples and i are still seeing each other. we are enjoying each other's company whenever we can. we've established that she cannot promise more time to me than she has been dedicating to me thus far (e.g., once or twice a week), and we have promised each other that we won't compromise the other's expectations. so it seems like all we need to do is just sit back, turn on the cruise control, and take things as they come. at heart, we both really want to remain friends at the very least, no matter how things turn out. so long as we keep up the open dialogue that we have with each other, though, i've no doubt that we will indeed remain friends first and foremost.

thus, usually, things are all hunky-dory during the week, when we see each other at work. we often stop by each other's cubes to chit-chat throughout the day. it's gotten to the point where i feel like i have to be careful about those chit-chats, though; i'm sure anyone who happens to watch us can notice me staring in her eyes a little more intensely or my glance flitting over her body in a pretty unprofessional way.

i can't help these little nuances, these little changes in how i interact with her, as compared to how i used to before, when we were just merely incidental co-workers. she has really great skin -- there is a smooth texture and quite a sheen to it. she also has a subtle scent that i thrill in catching a whiff of. seriously, just the faintest trace of her scent makes me instantly cream myself.

i tell her these things in text messages or e-mails. nothing too bawdy, but, like, today, i couldn't help notice that her eyes, when i took the time to look into them, had a really beautiful milk chocolate hue to them. so i sent her a message saying as much.

and she pays me compliments, too. just yesterday, she told me wonderingly that i looked great, that my face had "a glow." then she cursed me jokingly for having a "natural beauty."

such sweet things to say!

:)

it has been during the dark of night, though, during our once-a-week get-togethers, that some of our more crazy arguments have developed.

and the last one we had got pretty bad.

it happened on a saturday night. another male co-worker had invited me, dimples, and another female co-worker to his house for dinner and to play video games. we stayed at his place for quite a while. by about 11 p.m., however, i was in my car and following dimples' car to her place.

when we got there, we made ourselves at home. she poured herself a glass of white wine, and i helped myself to a bottle of beer in her fridge. we then sat on her couch and began talking rather platonically for quite a while, discussing politics, work, work-related gossip, family. there was a wide space between us on the couch cushion. i couldn't help but glance down at dimples' low-cut top every now and then, at the cleavage that subtly peeked out through the vee. i remember thinking that i had never seen dimples naked before, under a full light. at most, i have seen her naked only under a faint, weaker light.

finally, it got to the point where i decided to be the one to initiate physical contact. usually, it is dimples who initiates. so maybe she had planned this out, to see how much conversation was going to occur before i decided to bite the bullet. i am just so shy, i cannot help it. but at last, i just put my bottle of beer down while dimples was talking. then i leaned over and took her glass out of her hand, and i put that down, too. once that was done, i began crawling towards her on the couch, feline-like. she stopped talking as i did so, leaning backwards as i moved towards her until she was lying flat on her back, letting me take over. i hovered over her, my hands on either side of her head, before lowering myself on top of her. when i was able to touch my lips to hers, they were moist, sweet, and soft.

as we kissed, i breathed in her scent. there is just something overwhelmingly sweet about her scent. it is a feminine yet motherly smell.

her mom was watching her kid that night. so the place was ours. we made out for a long time on the couch, taking our time. in the back of my mind, a worried little thought crossed my mind:

what if . . . it happens again? what if . . . i don't have an orgasm this time, either?

but just as quickly as it arrived, i banished the thought from my mind. it had been five weeks since dimples and i had started hooking up. and we have been having sex exactly once a week since then -- that is, five times thus far (however, one of those times does not count since i was on the rag at the time!).

and i have not had an orgasm once yet.

still.

:-T

dimples has tried, she really has. and i have been trying to relax and just enjoy the sensations -- which really is not so hard to do. ;)

however, for some reason, i just have not been able to clear that last hurdle once and for all.

but on this night, i wasn't too worried about it. i was going to just relax and let dimples work the magic that i knew her to be capable of -- and allow my body to simply follow her lead.

after our clothes got somewhat ruffled from our make-out session on the sofa, dimples temporarily put a halt to the action, suggesting, "why don't we go to my room?"

she went to refill her glass of wine, and i proceeded to go into her room first. it was completely dark in there, but her stereo was on, playing hip-hop music, and it gave off a faint neon glow. once in her room, i began disrobing. dimples came into the room before i finished taking all my clothes off. in the faint light, i saw her take a long draught of her wine. then she put the glass down and made her way to me.

she was in charge.

she got me on the bed. and i felt her naked body cover mine. her body was so smooth. we were kissing, holding each other's bodies close, running our hands over each other's skin, touching and rubbing everywhere we could. she was kissing me in a teasing way, her pointed, slim tongue darting into my mouth daringly, but before i could pull it into my mouth to suck on it, it would disappear back into hers.

i felt a sense of determination in her. it was faint and not very overwhelming. but i could still feel it nonetheless. it was something that had been unsaid by us during the week while we were at work. i knew she felt responsible for the fact that i haven't had an orgasm with her. so i could see it in her movements, in the way she kissed me, in the way she held my body down with hers, that she was determined that it was going to happen tonight.

i felt my fear rising faintly again. i was scared it wasn't going to happen yet again.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

that's all for now.

to be continued . . . .