empathy and chuck's belly

something that i think is so underrated in society these days is the ability to empathize.

we all get so caught up in our lives, get caught up in the stress of the here-and-now, and we often forget that we're not the only ones with crap going on in our lives.

when i think of people who aren't good at empathizing, i actually think of certain people in my immediate family who have pretty bad tempers which flare up when their immediate needs or whims aren't addressed or placated. i think, to compensate for that and make sure i never struck the fear of the devil in anyone or cause any disharmony, i came to develop at an early age a rather overly sensitive nature.

my mom is of a rather empathetic nature herself. but sometimes even she gets exasperated with me if i am too sensitive. but you know, i actually don't mind being that way for the most part, although sometimes it is more trouble than it's worth. but i'd rather be this way than be the exact opposite -- a la certain other people in my immediate family. simply put, it means that i can empathize and deflate situations before they go out of control. and it also means, in a way, i can retain control over situations and make sure no tempers explode.

as i study for the bar exam (and try to keep out of the way of certain explosive tempers within my family :-P), and with so much stuff going on in my mind, i can't help but notice and admire how common law has totally incorporated this notion of empathy into certain legal principles.

for instance, with tort law: say you're walking down a sidewalk, minding your own business, when suddenly you hear a shriek pierce the air. your eyes dart in the direction that you heard the scream come from, and you see a big fat bully standing menacingly over someone who appears to have fallen on the ground and is now cowering with arms held over her head. you rush over to the person on the ground -- even though you have no duty to rescue -- and as the bully raises a fist up in the air to punch at the woman on the ground again, you throw yourself into the melee, take a sucker-punch to the face for the woman, then you kick the bully in the 'nards.

the law says that once you come to the defense of a person against whom a battery is committed, you're entitled to "step into the shoes" of the person you're rescuing -- and you're thus also entitled to use the same amount of force that the person would be able to use in the same situation to defend herself. and if the bully then turns his attention on you, and you end up getting beat up, the law will allow you to recover against mr. bully for your injuries instead of thumbing a nose at you and saying, "too bad, so sad" for your troubles.

power of empathy.

you also see it in contract law. i'm not as good at thinking up fact-patterns for contracts, so i won't even bother. but one example is the rights of an intended beneficiary to a contract. an intended beneficiary has no rights under a contract -- because he's only a third party -- until those rights vest. and once those rights do vest, he can "step into the shoes" of the party who had made him the intended beneficiary, gaining the same rights and liabilities against the other party if the other party does not perform his end of the bargain as well as the same defenses as if he had been the original party to the contract.

again, power of empathy.

isn't that neat? seriously, this stuff can really be cool (and totally understandable) when it's broken down simply and contextually like this. :-P

anyhow, empathy is what's on my mind right now. empathy is a great tool for developing as a person and in developing a greater awareness of how people think and operate. empathy is what bridges the distance between people's minds as they seek to develop a common understanding and respect for each other. empathy is also what sometimes makes you overlook the crappy qualities in other people instead of lashing out with a bitchy snarl and instead learn to develop at least positive relationships. i think it says a lot for our very own legal system to have this very principle embedded within various doctrines within our body of law. but the catch is that it is something you have to affirmatively choose to do. empathy starts in the mind and is carried out with words and acts. it is one thing to think, in your mind, that you understand someone; it's quite another to show it.

but perhaps that is too much thinking. i should probably turn in now. i have that job interview downtown early tomorrow morning (at 10 a.m. *horrified gasp*). i might take the lightrail down so that i don't have to worry about finding a parking spot during business hours. i haven't even picked out what i'm going to wear . . . !

i have told a few of my extended family members that i had a job interview at this particular state agency. they were horrified and said that they did not think i'd like it there. apparently, this agency just has a huge attrition rate. and when i talked to my mom about it later, she says i shouldn't expect state-of-the-art technology even at the usual level that i'm used to, because this particular agency is at the bottom of the pile, when it comes to receiving state funds.

*sigh* so you can imagine how excited i am about tomorrow. :-P

but i'll still give it a shot and see what happens.

my only fear is that this agency will have lots of unsightly obese people. i don't mean chubby, pudgy, or portly -- which are all totally fine -- but obese. and unfortunately, bureaucratic institutions are just full of them -- but this one may have more than the usual allotment of obese state workers.

that's soo un-p.c. to say. good thing i'm anonymous on this blog.

when i worked as an auditor, there was this fifty-ish year old man who took an unnatural liking to me. i'll say his name is chuck. chuck was big. i'd say he was a good three or four times my weight. he had these really gross, long, disgusting nails. and his gut was just so massive, it didn't seem like he had a waist anymore.

he would make for a really great santa claus. if he weren't so weird.

chuck, despite his size, has no concept of personal space. he liked to come visit me in my cubicle and virtually press his belly into my face as he talked to me. the first few times he did this, i pointedly tried to recede away from him to create more distance. but the 'tard would just keep moving forward until the back of my chair was pressed up against my desk and i could not move backward anymore. and i'd be trapped -- in a sitting position, no less, hard up against the back of my chair -- between my desk and chuck's belly.

i am 5'5. at that time i weighed about 105. i am tiny compared to 400-pound chuck. and you can imagine how uncomfortable and powerless i would feel at those times. it's funny, yeah -- but also intimidating.

so i had to resort to new tactics whenever i saw chuck coming. i either plugged my headphones into my ears (which never really worked anyway) or i would stand up and sit on the corner of my desk as he approached and just make sure he never trapped me like that again. and whenever he stepped a bit too close to me, i'd pointedly take a step back to maintain that nice comfortable distance between us.

chuck, chuck. ugh. and his nails were really gross. the majority of them were at least half-an-inch long! eww!

and that is where my power to empathy ends. i am a person who would happily stand in your shoes and sympathize with you -- so long as you don't press your distended belly, if you've got one, into my face, don't invade my personal space, and at least take care to trim your nails.

;)

anyhow, wish me luck on my interview. i will be slathering on lots of nars concealer in the hopes of hiding the bags under my eyes. and i suppose i ought to go iron my clothes for tomorrow. . . .